10 Ways To Improve Your Marriage in 2023

Photo by olia danilevich

The first few days of January will always ignite in us a desire for something new and improved—a drive to make this year better than the last. And while we normally focus on setting reading goals, obtaining gym memberships, or learning a new language, there’s something else that ought to be paid attention to when we consider the ways we can improve this year: our marriage.

Marriage is a union that requires intentionality, devotion, and steadfastness. It shouldn’t be left to its own devices, unattended to. Instead, we should use these first, motivation-filled days of January to reflect on our marriage’s past year and think about what we could do to make it even better in 2023.

Here are 10 ways you can improve your marriage this year.

01 | Have regular date nights.

It’s far too easy for married couples to go months without a proper date night—and before we know it, we can’t remember the last time we actually got dressed up and went out together. Choose a regular night that works well for both of you and make a point of doing a date night every week, or a couple of times a month.

02 | Be gentler.

Gentleness can easily fall by the wayside amidst the chaos of life, because it requires intentionality and maturity. It’s easier to be insensitive, brusque, or short. But that is exactly what makes being softhearted so deeply valuable—especially because he likely doesn’t get that from anyone else. This year, be the person who will always meet him with gentleness.

03 | Pay attention to what he’s really saying.

There’s so much subtext in everything we do, bubbling right below the surface. Every sigh, “my back hurts,” and offhanded comment has a deeper meaning than he lets on. Take the time to figure out what he’s really trying to say, and what he really needs from you.

04 | Say ‘I love you’ every day.

Of course you love each other—but when was the last time you said it as more than a quick goodbye as one of you rushes out of the house? Make a point of reminding him that you love him by saying it every single day.

05 | Encourage his healthy patterns.

Our spouse could always do with a little encouragement, especially when it comes to his health. Help him stay on top of doctor’s appointments, come up with healthy recipes together that take his needs into account, and maybe even join a gym together.

06 | Set aside regular time for in-depth check-ins.

The busyness of everyday life, from the mundane tasks to the unforeseen mishaps that occur, can overwhelm us and take over every square inch of our inner world. But in-depth, lengthy, uninterrupted check-ins are a required ingredient for any marriage, so set aside time every week to facilitate this.

07 | Remember why you fell in love with him.

Eventually, we get used to our spouse—we see him every single day, hear the same jokes more than a few times, and even get annoyed by his little quirks and habits. This year, remind yourself why you fell for him in the first place—write what you notice down in a journal, and challenge yourself to come up with a different thing you love about him every time. Soon, you’ll have a long list you can always refer back to.

08 | Put your phone away at dinner.

It’s difficult to put our phone down for very long—what if we get an important text? Or we have to respond to an email? Or we miss a call? But constantly having your attention divided between your husband and your phone will eventually create distance between you. Designate a time of day when you’re both together that’s totally phone-free; we might recommend dinner time!

09 | Talk about dreams and goals together.

You can’t support one another well unless you know exactly what you’re meant to be supporting. Invite your husband to talk about his goals for the next year, and his dreams for ten years from now with you. Help him feel like you’re a team, vision-casting for the future together.

10 | Choose to forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to any of us. In fact, more often than not, it feels unfair. However, it’s also essential in any healthy marriage, whether or not we feel like doing it. This year, try to grow in your ability to forgive, offering grace and understanding instead of harsh words.