7 Ways To Make Friends As An Introvert

Photo by Elijah O'Donnell

Every introvert is well acquainted with the difficulties of finding friends—many of the “friend-making” ingredients are not our favorites; social gatherings drain us, small talk makes us want to disappear, and opening up to someone we don’t know very well doesn’t exactly come naturally to us.

Still, as much as we’re content to be on our own, we all need at least a friend or two—a person with whom we can share our struggles and dreams, who’s seen us through various seasons of life, whom we can lean on. We’re hardwired for this kind of connection.

So how can introverts actually make friends without having to pretend to be an extrovert? How can introverts find a kindred spirit in a way that honors their natural temperament?

01 | Focus more on others than how awkward you feel.

Introverts can easily get caught in a cycle of focusing heavily on how out of place, awkward, and uncomfortable they feel, and in turn, make others feel uneasy as well. Instead of fixating on this, try to focus on the person across from you—give them your full attention rather than splitting it with any anxious thoughts.

02 | Don’t wait for someone to reach out.

Introverts are wonderful at reacting and receiving, but when it comes to initiating, we’re always hoping it’ll be someone else. This is exactly what will make you stand out when you take it upon yourself to invite a potential friend over for dinner or out to a movie.

03 | Come with questions prepared.

Of all the strengths of an introvert there are (and there are many!), thinking on our feet typically isn’t one of them. We have quite the inner monologue going on inside our head, but getting it to come out eloquently can be a different story. We prefer to mull things over, approach social situations with a game plan, and know what to expect. So for your next friend date, try to come up with a few thought-provoking questions you can ask them before you get there.

04 | Invite a potential friend to a study hangout.

Sometimes, we’re looking for less of an attentive hangout and more to simply be in another’s presence. The next time you’re headed out to study or work at a café anyway, why not invite a friend who might like to get out of the house to get some work done, too? You can take breaks in between tasks to chat, and enjoy just being near one another.

05 | Start or join a book club.

You’re going to read anyway, right? Make this favorite pastime one that can help you find kindred spirits by either starting (if you’re up to the challenge) or joining a book club. You might be surprised by how fulfilling it is to discuss what you’ve been reading with fellow literary souls!

06 | Learn how to use open body language & facial cues.

While some introverts might have this down pat, others might struggle to physically “seem” open to friendship. Learn how to come across as friendlier without even opening your mouth by smiling at whomever you exchange a glance with, standing with your shoulders back, and uncrossing your arms.

07 | Be willing to get vulnerable.

True, deep, lifelong friendship requires vulnerability. It’s necessary that we feel we have special access to someone’s inner world in order to feel connected to them. Without oversharing or trusting just anyone with personal information, challenge yourself to get just a little more vulnerable than you normally would with a potential friend. You’d be surprised how much this can endear you to someone.