7 Ways To Handle A Breakup You Didn’t Want
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One of the most strange things about getting into a relationship — which none of us particularly like to think about — is the fact that it will either last, or it won’t; we might spend the rest of our life with this person, or things between us will fall apart, crumble.
If there is a breakup, it’s most likely that one of us will be the dumper, and the other, the dumpee. And there are few things more painful than being fired from the role of significant other, being let go against our will, when we want nothing more than to stay and work things out.
But it’s not always up to us whether or not a relationship continues; sometimes, we’re asked to leave the relationship, made to move on from a person we wanted a future with, left to pick up the pieces and figure out a way forward.
Being broken up with against our desires isn’t ever easy, but there are ways we can best handle this unique kind of heartbreak.
01 | Let yourself grieve.
The pain of a breakup we didn’t want can feel so overwhelming, to the point where it’s easier to distract ourselves with a million things and not deal with the loss we feel.
But the first step to getting past the most emotionally raw stage of a breakup is admitting to ourselves just how hurt we are; we have to be honest with ourselves about what we’re feeling before we can hope to work through this particularly painful time.
02 | Don’t beg for a second chance.
It’s tempting to rethink everything we could’ve done to get him to stay, to consider what magic words we might be able to say in order to be granted a second chance, a chance to make things right.
But not only will pleading to be taken back most likely make him even more set in his decision to end things, but we shouldn’t ever have to beg someone to love us.
03 | Practice radical acceptance.
Breakups that aren’t mutual easily send us into a spiral of, “Is this real? This can’t be happening. This can’t be over.” We feed thoughts that aren’t accepting of our ex’s choice, thoughts that can’t look reality in the face yet.
But this only keeps us in the dark place longer. Practice accepting life as it is right now — acknowledge that while the relationship is over, life will go on.
04 | Lean on your friends & family.
Being rejected by the person we loved is a blow to our self-esteem and self-perception. We naturally wonder if we’re just unlovable, if we’ll ever find someone to love us.
It’s important that we lean on the people we have in our life that do love us and surround ourselves with encouragement they can speak over us.
05 | Take an honest look at yourself.
It’s understandable to reach a point where, in order to rebuild any self-confidence that’s been lost, we assure ourselves there’s nothing wrong with us — that he’s the problem for breaking up with us.
But here’s a challenge that will pay off in the long run: take an honest look inward, and figure out why he wanted to end things, because it probably wasn’t without reason. We can't simply convince ourselves we’re faultless. Do the work now to become better.
06 | Give yourself time to be okay, and not be okay.
Getting over a hard breakup isn’t linear. There will be times when we feel positive and confident in our ability to pick ourselves up and move on, and times when we’re overwhelmed by nostalgia, regret, and hurt.
We have to give ourselves grace on these harder days, and not take it as a “step back” but simply as a natural part of our process.
07 | Invest in yourself.
We’ll naturally feel incredibly down on ourselves after being dumped. Take the time after breaking up, and before getting into another relationship, to invest in yourself — start a skincare routine, get a haircut that makes you feel beautiful, read the books you’ve been putting off, learn a new skill, or go to the gym a few times a week. Create a life you’re happy to live, even if he’s not in the picture anymore.