‘Nice’ Guys Have Red Flags Too — Here’s 6 Of Them
We’ve all learned by now to steer clear of the bad guys — the attitude wielding, cigarette smoking, boundary pushing, red flag ridden bad boy that might intrigue us at first, but soon leaves us wondering what in the world we saw in him. From that point on, we swear to only go for the nice, reliable, clean cut guys.
Nice guys make us feel safe; they dress nicely, smile, open doors for us, and wouldn’t ever try to hurt us. But what if some of these nice guys aren’t so… nice?
It turns out that ‘nice guys’ actually have their own set of red flags — they’re just harder to spot, hiding in plain sight behind a veneer of sweet smiles and warm welcomes. Below, find six red flags that will prove he’s not such a nice guy after all.
01 | He calls himself a nice guy (too often).
It’s attractive when someone takes pride in their good qualities, in the bettering of themselves. We all want a guy that genuinely tries to be a good, kind person, and is introspective enough to recognize whether or not he’s been nice.
That being said, when a guy constantly refers to himself as a ‘nice guy’, makes a show of performing random acts of kindness, or conducts himself as if he’s just so different from all the other men out there, this is an undeniable red flag that suggests he’s overcompensating for who he really is behind the ‘nice guy’ mask.
02 | He’s always available.
If you’ve experienced the heartache that is dating a guy who’s notoriously enigmatic and unavailable, this sort of guy is a welcome change. He’s always free to talk, is always around whenever we want to hang out, and is remarkably easy to get a hold of.
Then you come to find that he’s only available to you all the time because he’s not doing anything else; he doesn’t have any outside interests, any dreams he’s chasing, or have any world of his own to bring us into. While it’s nice that he’s so available to you, his lack of interest in taking initiative in his life is ultimately a red flag.
03 | He’s ready for too much too quickly.
Whereas most guys you’ve dated haven’t wanted to put a label on anything, this guy is ready to label anything and everything at a moment’s notice, ready to take the relationship and run ahead at top speed. At first, his enthusiasm makes you feel special, wanted.
But before you know it, you wonder how the relationship progressed so quickly, when it seems like just a few weeks ago, you barely knew each other — and now, he’s asking you to take incredibly momentous leaps with him instead of allowing the relationship to progress naturally or healthily. While having someone so keen on committing feels good at first, all good things take time.
04 | He keeps close tabs on you.
It’s sweet that he wants to know what’s going on in your life, right? The last guy could’ve gone days without texting back, or even bothering to find out what you were up to on the weekends (which you kept hoping he’d plan a date for). This guy is the total opposite, wanting to know every friend you’re hanging out with, and every spot you're stopping at.
The idea of him caring to know where you are seems romantic at first, but his need to know every detail about your day stems from insecurity and a need to control. Before you know it, he’ll be upset about how long you took to text back, or that you’d rather see your friends one night. While he never yells or physically stops you from going anywhere, his quiet control creates an unhealthy dynamic that’s hard to call out.
05 | He showers you with love and attention.
While guys you’ve dated in the past couldn’t seem to remember your birthday or anniversary, this guy plans for your birthday six months in advance. He celebrates every month-aversary, sends you flowers ‘just because’ every week, and practically worships the ground you walk on. It almost feels too good to be true.
That’s because it is. We can’t lie, this kind of treatment feels good to begin with. But soon enough, he’s convincing you to do something you’re uncomfortable with; his kindness, generosity, and devotion make you wonder if you’re being unfair to him, and if you should reconsider your boundaries. The same generosity that drew you to him ends up leaving you feeling indebted to him, because all along, he was acting with ulterior motives rather than honesty.
06 | He’s always nice, but won’t commit.
He never does anything ‘wrong’ — he plans regular dates, remembers your coffee order, compliments you frequently, and has never made you feel unsafe.
But the second you broach the subject of where things are going, he changes the subject, or noncommittally says he’s just seeing where things go. For a while this setup might work out, but eventually it becomes clear that despite his general niceness, he has no intention of the relationship moving forward, and he’s had no problem wasting your time all along.