Getting To Know Your Spouse Afresh Through Literature
Reading good literature gifts normal people perspectives and insights that they otherwise may not have considered. It allows them to enter the minds of villains and victors alike. Young minds are shaped and molded by good books.
Who among us did not weep as Wilbur carefully collected Charlotte’s eggs as she lay dying, or cursed the pompous Mr. Collins as he tried his best to win the affections of Elizabeth? Were we all not heartbroken after learning the awful fate of dear Mr. Rochester, yet swoon when we learned of Jane’s enduring love for him regardless? No? Just me? I think not!
Reading not only builds vocabulary and comprehension, but also intellect. The very act of reading is nourishment for the soul. But can it also be nourishment to a marriage? Assuming you are married to a bookworm like yourself then I believe, from my own personal experience, it can.
By stepping outside my own literary comfort zone, my husband and I have found a whole new way to include one another in our own personal reading journeys. It has deepened our connection, allowing us to sail together to different lands and time periods. It has also given us much to talk about, and a new way of understanding one another, our interests, similarities and differences.
Here are a few suggestions to get the pages of good books fanning the flames of your relationship.
Trade favorite books with your spouse.
This has been an enjoyable activity for my husband and I over the past year. I have handed him several of my all-time favorite books to enjoy, including: Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, True Grit by Charles Portis, Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, and Klara & the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro.
Like a good sport, my husband has devoured each of them, albeit sometimes dragging his feet (we can’t all be Austen fans, I suppose). And fair enough! His tastes are not mine and vice versa, but that’s what makes this exercise particularly helpful and fascinating!
By embarking on this experience together we have both been stretched and challenged to try books we would not have otherwise picked up on our own. Some have surprised us with how much we’ve truly enjoyed them.
Since I’ve already given you the list of books I’ve thus far prescribed to him, the following recommendations are books he’s assigned to me.
Book recommendations: The Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis, 1984 by George Orwell, The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells, Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Read a book aloud together.
As a homeschool mama of four I spend most of my days reading aloud to my children. But it has been really fun implementing a private read aloud time with my husband after the children are tucked in bed.
He makes the tea, I pop the popcorn, and we meet in our living room with our book of choice. The timing varies. Sometimes we read for 20 minutes, other times for an hour. We take turns reading aloud and stop and discuss whenever the mood strikes. Hearing him narrate his perspectives and ideas about each particular work we cover is extremely informative and fascinating.
If something is preventing you from reading aloud with your spouse — perhaps you are in the groggy newborn days and the very thought of keeping your eyes open long enough to read even one page gives you anxiety — lean into audiobooks! Throw one on while you cook dinner together, embark on a road trip or fold a pile of laundry. Many libraries have audiobooks for rent with apps like Hoopla. Other options for audiobook listening include Audible and Scribd.
Book recommendations: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, the entire Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry
Read the same book simultaneously and host a private book club for date night.
Like most families, our lives have been extra full this last month with the end of summer upon us. Therefore, the read-aloud times we find easy to come by in the dead of winter have escaped us for this particular season.
No matter! My husband and I decided to read To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee simultaneously. He read when he had time, I read when I had time. After we’d both finished the book, we gathered around our favorite Indian takeout and hosted our own little book club at home. We’d both read To Kill a Mockingbird in our youths, but having the opportunity to discuss it again together as parents and adults was a great experience.
Your own personal book club doesn’t have to mimic ours. Feel free to make it your own by meeting anywhere that suits you; a quiet coffee shop, a fancy restaurant, or a park with a view.
While you can absolutely go into your mini book club date without any prior preparations, it is beneficial for each person to come ready to share a few reflections they've taken away from the reading. It is also helpful to have a few discussion questions ready to foster conversation, especially if this is your first book club experience!
Book recommendations: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas.
In short…
Married for almost 13 years, this literary adventure has allowed me to continue on as a student of my husband, learning him and knowing him more fully on a level that takes us out of the mundane tasks of life and into the realm of academic thought, personal opinion and whimsy. It has deepened and enriched our relationship greatly, and I hope you find the same is true for yourself!
