5 Tips For An Extroverted Parent With An Introverted Child
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova from Pexels
Most parents hope they’ll have a kid just like them — their mini-me. They think of all the future inside jokes they’ll share with their child, dream of all the ways they’ll connect to them on a soul-level, or imagine how they’ll get countless, “She has your eyes!” comments.
It’s natural to want to have children like us, that we can understand and connect to. But sometimes, your child couldn’t be more different from you — whereas you’ve always been confident, the life of the party, always ready for a new adventure with a new friend, your child seems to be on the quieter side. They aren’t as keen on sharing their every thought with you, prefer to spend time on their own, and leave you wondering how on earth you could’ve raised a child so entirely different from you.
You, a clear extrovert, wonder what you’re supposed to do with your introverted, mysterious, quiet child. Well, wonder no more — here’s your guide, as an extroverted parent, to handling your introverted child.
01 | Don’t take things personally.
We all know that extroverts love friendships great in both quality and quantity — and once they have kids, they can’t help but imagine their children becoming their closest friends, hanging out with them all the time, playing for hours on end. But for an extroverted parent with an introverted child, things might look a bit different.
Your introverted child will need quiet, peaceful, alone time — a lot of it. They’ll often be happy on their own, reading in the corner or playing with their stuffed animals. It’s important for the extroverted parent not to take their need for solitary time as a personal rejection, but rather as an expression of their child’s nature.
02 | Enter their world.
It’s equally important, however, that the extroverted parent doesn’t leave their introverted child alone too often. But rather than expecting them to be the ones to reach out or come out of their shell, the extroverted parent can show interest in entering their child’s world.
If they love books, try initiating a read-aloud time with them. If they enjoy being outdoors, take them on a hike (and if they’d prefer to mostly keep quiet, let them). If they like exercising their artistic side, invite them to paint in the backyard together. Joining them in their world will make them more likely to invite you in again and again.
03 | Be the person who doesn’t make them feel like they’re weird.
Introverted children often face unfair criticism, misjudgment, and receive hurtful comments from teachers and other kids. They eventually begin to feel like no one really understands them, and even like the entire world thinks they’re weird.
But the extroverted parent has a unique opportunity to make themselves the person who doesn’t cause their introverted child to feel misunderstood — especially as someone who is not a fellow introvert. This will help your introverted child to not just feel like you are a safe person, but to search for other people who will offer them that same understanding rather than changing to please others.
04 | Help them discover their strengths.
It’s no secret that introverted children can easily feel underappreciated, and like their lack of extroversion is an inadequacy. And while every introvert can and should learn the art of reaching out, starting conversations, and making friends, it’s also essential that they are taught to understand their own unique, innate strengths, whether that be their ability to observe and understand others, or their strong sense of empathy, or the incredible eloquence they display when they do choose to speak up.
05 | Teach them something they don’t know.
See your differences with your introverted as a chance to teach them something significant. As an extroverted parent of an introvert, you have a wonderful opportunity to instill in them lessons and abilities they might not have learned from a less extroverted parent, making for a well-rounded introvert.
Help them to understand that while their introversion isn’t something to grow out of, they can and should still learn how to speak up for themselves, to step out of their comfort zone, be the first one to reach out to someone, and how to take charge. Just as your introverted child is a gift to you that you can learn from, you, too, are a gift to your introverted child.