What His Love Language Looks Like: Words of Affirmation
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They say there are five basic love languages – or, at least, that’s what Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, says. Chapman asserts that the five ways of showing love fall into these categories: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts. We don’t only possess one love language, but rather, show different levels for all five — some are deeply important to us for us to receive, and others, not so much.
How do you say I love you – without uttering those three words? Possibly through a delicious homemade meal, or maybe by offering a back rub before bed, or even just watching an episode of something together every night. To say I love you is an incredibly personal act – no two people will express their love the exact same way.
But here’s an even better question for you: how does your significant other say I love you? How do they show you their appreciation, affection, or loyalty every day? What is their unique brand of love?
The more we understand our significant other’s love language and recognize the specific actions that would make them feel loved, the better we’re able to offer them a kind of love that will resonate and affect them – even if their particular love language is foreign to us. Learning the language of love that will truly mean something to our significant other is a worthy pursuit that will serve to deepen our relationship and bond.
Being that there are five love languages, and every one of them is so unique, we’ve decided to create a series of “What His Love Language Looks Like” articles, each dedicated to a specific love language. This week, we’re focusing on words of affirmation.
What are words of affirmation?
Words of affirmation are positive words and phrases that can be used to communicate our tenderness, admiration, devotion, and recognition for someone. They’re meant to be genuine, lifegiving, encouraging, inspiring, and constructive — they have the power to act as a salve for the receiver’s soul.
Words of affirmation can be difficult to learn if we weren’t raised hearing them ourselves, but it’s essential that we dole them out as often as possible — we might also discover how important they are to us.
How can we offer words of affirmation?
Offering words of affirmation means more than just saying, “Hey, nice job,” every now and again – the key to delivering words that will truly mean something is being genuine, effusive, and specific. Those whose love language is words of affirmation will sense when we’re not being authentic, and when we are. Here are a few examples of affirming phrases:
“I’ve noticed how hard you’ve been working lately, and I just wanted you to know, I’m really proud of you.”
“You’re always handsome, but this new haircut really suits you.”
“I’m lucky to have you in my life. You make it better.”
“I appreciate everything you do for me. It really means the world.”
“I’m so impressed by you. You handled such a difficult situation incredibly well.”
When we’re giving these words, it’s important that we find something to be specific about. Why exactly does the new haircut suit him? What unique things does he do for us that we appreciate? Why do we think he handled the challenge well? Being specific lke this will take our words from kind to deeply meaningful.
What words of affirmation can do for him.
It’s likely that our significant other places a higher value on our thoughts, words, and input than on most others. Hearing a coworker say we look nice is appreciated, but hearing the person we love say those words will mean a million times more.
When we speak his love language by offering words of affirmation, we can deepen our relationship. solidify our bond, build trust, and strengthen our emotional intimacy, all while building his confidence in himself. These simple yet significant phrases will allow him to feel like he can trust us with his emotions, count on us to be a safe place for him, and motivate him to no end — a win for us, as well.
In short…
Our words hold an immense amount of power, especially over our significant other. The right words, even more. How can you offer him meaningful, genuine, affirming words today?
