6 Tips For When You’re Befriending An Introvert
Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels
It is a truth universally acknowledged that introverts like their alone time. They need space to recharge, time to mull over their thoughts, a place where they can find peace and quiet. They, oftentimes, come across as somewhat antisocial — as if they could do without friendship.
While social activities will usually stir some kind of anxiety in the heart of most introverts, the truth is that they crave deep friendships just as much as extroverts do. They need time with kindred spirits, love from friends who understand and accept them, emotional connection with someone who gets them.
And yet, introverts tend to send mixed messages when it comes to new friends, desiring to both have alone time and forge meaningful connections — so how can one befriend an introvert?
01 | Invite them to hang out one-on-one.
The one thing all introverts have in common is that big group activities, such as parties, suck the energy right out of them — even if they aren’t a particularly shy introvert. This isn’t to say introverts shouldn’t ever go to parties, but the best way to befriend an introvert and establish a friendship is by hanging out with them one-on-one to begin with, so they feel safe to be themselves around you (then maybe they’ll go to a party with you).
02 | Text, don’t call.
We can’t stress this enough: please text, don’t call an introvert — even if it’s just to ask if you can give them a ring in a little while! Introverts, being that they only have a certain amount of social energy to spend, will always much prefer texting to the odd 15-minute phone call, especially when the friendship is still in the beginning stages. That being said, this doesn’t mean they don’t want to hear from you, just that they’ll always favor having the option of responding when they have the mental energy to do so.
03 | Don’t take it personally when they say no.
Introverts can’t say yes to every social engagement, even if they love spending time with you. Sometimes, they just need to stay home — but introverts also need their new friends to not take this personally. Depending on how busy their week or day has been, it might be necessary for an introvert to replenish their energy and indulge in some alone time in order to be their best selves the next time you see them. But it’s necessary for introverts to feel the freedom to decline an invitation without worrying they’ll be hurting anyone’s feelings.
04 | Ask questions & give them a chance to speak.
Introverts need time to process their thoughts before they can share them, and they crave friendships that allow them the space to speak and share these thoughts on their terms, without feeling like they have to “jump in” in order to be heard — every introvert has had that friend that easily shares their every thought but neglects to make space for their quiet friend’s thoughts. Asking an introvert thoughtful questions that invite them to share a part of themselves and giving them a chance to compose their thoughts will earn you a special place in their heart.
05 | Let them decompress their way.
Extroverts may not understand the introvert’s need to disappear for a day or two, or ride silently in the car for 30 minutes. But nonetheless, for those seeking to befriend an introvert, letting them decompress their way will feel so loving and meaningful to the introvert who’s felt their needs are often overlooked or misunderstood.
06 | Give them time to mentally prepare.
Yes, it sounds silly, but introverts need time to mentally prepare for interactions, whether on the phone, or in person. The bigger/lengthier/more unfamiliar the interaction, the more time they’ll need. Being cognizant of this will make an introvert feel respected and understood — two things they deeply long for from their friends.