4 Ways To Find Your Support System

Photo by Elina Fairytale

Have you ever felt so stressed or discouraged that you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything? Returning a phone call, running a mundane errand, or even your usual favorite craft has started to take too much effort.

You’re not alone. In a 2022 survey by the American Psychological Association, 27% of adults said that most days they are so stressed they can’t function. Almost half (46%) of those under 35 years old.

What helps us get through those stressful days, or even through traumatic events or times of transition, is a helpful support system. 

You probably haven’t thought about it before, or maybe you feel like it’s too late to build one, but once challenges come, you will yearn for someone to be by your side.

There are signs all around you of your support system, it may take a life-changing event for them to show themselves, or they may be the ones cheering you on and celebrating with you for any achievements.

“The human brain is a social brain,” writes Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Daniel A. Monti, M.D., in their book Brain Weaver. “That means we are hard-wired to connect with one another…Numerous studies have confirmed that we are designed for social connectedness and that loneliness is linked to negative health outcomes and even shorter life spans. So in order to have your best brain, avoid isolation and stay connected to others.”

There were over 3,000 adult participants in the 2022 Stress in America survey, and just about two in five adults (37%) reported that when they are stressed, they can’t bring themselves to do anything. Younger adults reported feeling completely overwhelmed by stress most days, with adults ages 18 to 34 and 35 to 44 being more likely than their older counterparts to feel this way.

What is a support system?

A support system is social and emotional support, not only to face current challenges, but also helps in improving one’s self-esteem and sense of autonomy in order to face problems on one’s own. A great benefit of that is being able to make decisions and take action. Surrounding yourself with people who see you as capable allows you to see yourself in that light as well. They help you remain focused on what you can do, and they are there to cheer you on. 

I was only able to work through the biggest transitions in my life through three sources of support: my faith, therapy, and a support system that came from friends, family, and even my workplace.

Tragedy comes like a rug being pulled from under you; there’s no time to catch your footing. Your support system is there to catch you and steady you back up when you’re ready. From job loss to broken relationships, I hadn’t prepared others to be there for me, but the fruit of our relationship made the quality of our connection mature and able to help me through those tough times.

For me, it was realizing that I had a support system that built up my hope for my future. Used to holding things back in hiding, I wouldn’t share my struggles fully because it felt too dark, too heavy, and dramatic.

At some point I realized I had to let it out, even if it was ugly. I had to share and receive clarity. I leaned on my support system for fresh perspectives, to be a listening ear, to be my mirror, and to “tell me what to do.” What I mean by telling me what to do, I needed to hear from someone outside of my head of what was really going on around me, of the things I couldn’t see for myself that weren’t the best for me.

Whether you’re going through something dark, or looking for someone to celebrate with, it’s a necessity in life to have a support system. Here are some places you can find yours:

01 | Currently close

Talking about your pain or disappointment in a safe space is crucial to the healing process and critical to the betterment of one's outlook. Having the reassurance that you are talking with people who know you and love you makes opening up a little easier. Surrounding yourself with people who support you, believe in you, and are there for you gives you hope that you can survive this hardship.

02 | Common ground

It takes a brave step to open up to someone you may not know intimately, but if you do know you now share something in common it can break the ice. Find someone, maybe a friend of a friend or a relative you’re not necessarily close with but who could share their input, who can speak from experience. They can empathize and share how they navigated through something similar.

03 | Lost connection

There might be someone from your past who you could call. An old roommate, a previous co-worker, someone who you once had a connection with who could understand or relate to what you’re walking through. Sometimes no one can understand how difficult a certain experience is until they’ve been through it themselves.

04 | New spaces

I used to put myself down for the way I would feel when I was disappointed or just upset with life. Then I realized I wasn’t talking to the right people. The right support system will validate your feelings but also help you navigate them in order to help you to get out of the place you’re in, if you are willing.

In short…

Building a support system before such events would be ideal, but sometimes they are built within the time you most need it. There is trial and error of talking with people, sometimes you are surprised to find that who you thought was part of your support system actually aren’t as helpful anymore.

Your support system may change overtime, throughout different stages in life, there may be times where you need to know when to let go and find the best support to grow into a better you.