Kindness Is Underrated
by Masha Raymers from Pexels
It was the first day of class, and I was fourteen years old. The teacher had just informed us of our task as a class that day: to introduce ourselves. In order to do that, we were asked to think of an adjective to describe ourselves that also began with the same letter of our name.
“Sassy Sara,” one girl giggled. “Magnetic Molly,” another volunteered. “Joyful Jane,” another said. And then, my turn came. The problem with having a ‘K’ name is that there’s essentially one adjective to choose from: kind.
“Kind Keelia,” I sighed. I longed to be captivating, valiant, hilarious, or dynamic… but here I was, stuck with being kind.
Although the meaning of kindness isn’t one to shudder at, I always thought it such a boring, overused word to describe basic goodness, alright-ness. We tend to call someone kind when they’re nice enough, but also not particularly memorable, or even when they’re sweet, but sort of a pushover. Kindness is good and fine, but it’s also not regarded as especially courageous, important, or influential.
We live in a culture that values all that is noticeable. We care about prominence. We cherish tenacity. Most of us would rather be called stubborn than weak — at least we stand for something, right? But as I’ve continued to ponder what it means to be kind, I’ve slowly come to a new conclusion: kindness is completely, utterly, and wholly underrated.
‘It costs nothing to be kind’… or does it? I recently scrolled through my Twitter feed, a place where lurking comes naturally to me, and contributing… not so much. I stumbled upon a Twitter fight, which, I must admit fills me with impish glee — it’s not that I enjoy conflict, but rather, people and their ideas clashing as they search for the truth.
After someone had taken a cheap shot at their opponent, another user left a comment: “It costs nothing to be kind.”
His meaning isn’t lost on me — it literally costs nothing to type out something peaceful and sweet, and press send. But on a deeper level, his comment struck me and made me wonder if I truly agreed with it. Does it actually cost us nothing at all to show another person kindness?
I’d argue that it actually costs us more than we think. When I look back on moments in my life where I was faced with the choice of using words that could’ve created harmony and didn’t, I realize now that my decision to dole out hurtful, spiteful, cruel comments was easy. It was cheap, lazy, and simple. It cost me nothing. All I did was spew out the meanest, most base insults I could think of, and I hate to think of how effortless that was for me. And yet, isn’t it sadly so for most of us?
Kindness goes against our nature, and therefore, is costly. We humans don’t particularly like to do things that don’t come naturally to us, do we? It’s not in our nature to wait for something we’re burning with a desire for. We instinctively want the bigger slice of cake. We’d rather buy ourselves an expensive dress than someone else. We are, though not evil, selfish.
Anything that we learn to do outside of our wants and desires is unquestionably costly because it means denying ourselves our very nature, our disposition as human beings. Being kind, offering gentle words towards someone we heartily disagree with, showing compassion for a person who did wrong by us — this all costs us everything. But isn’t that what makes it worth it?
Anything important will cost us. We pay more for a pair of shoes because we know they’ll last longer, accompany us on a thousand more adventures than the more affordable version. We rack up a higher restaurant tab on birthdays and anniversaries because those days mean something special to us, they’re not just another Tuesday. We neglect our work and sleep and personal needs so we can sit at the bedside of a loved one whose life is threatened by a disease that may not be cured because we know, if they pass away, these last few days with them will mean everything to us.
Anything that is meaningful, worthy, and valuable will inevitably cost us. It’s the price we pay in order to go against our first inclination that gives kindness its meaning, significance, and purpose.
This is what makes kindness not just costly, but of the utmost power.