In Defense Of The Highlight Reel

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Just a few years ago, if someone used the term “highlight reel” they were likely referring to video clips of an athlete’s most incredible moments. It was a common phrase, but certainly not a cultural buzz word.

Not so today. Now, that term is most commonly associated with what we see as we scroll our favorite social platforms. It’s been used to describe the photos we post, and to remind us that the moments we share aren’t a representation of our real lives, but a “highlight reel” of our brightest, most ideal moments.

Because of this, that term is linked with negativity and skepticism; it’s used as a cautionary tale, warning us not to trust what we see. And that’s certainly a valid warning. We should, of course, be wary of those whose social media accounts exist only to sell us things and influence us in specific ways. It’s wise to guard ourselves against efforts to manipulate, and to approach anything that seems too good to be true with a healthy level of questioning.

To push back on the damaging effects of the over-edited, unrealistic content that’s become so common, there’s a constant call for authenticity. And that’s a good thing. But sometimes, I wonder if we’ve gone too far. Because somewhere along the way, we’ve applied the same suspicious attitudes toward our friends, to those we know personally and love. 

And as a result, when we should be rejoicing in their happiness and sharing it with them, we’ve instead been conditioned to look at their smiling faces and pretty pictures with an assumption that they’re hiding something; that they’re trying to trick us.

“We’ve instead been conditioned to look at their smiling faces and pretty pictures with an assumption that they’re hiding something.”

I worry that our obsession with uncovering what’s fake has gone too far, and that it’s had the unintended consequence of causing us to develop an extreme aversion to other people’s happiness. That, at the sight of someone else's beautiful space or well-behaved children or happy marriage, we automatically feel the compulsive need to quality or downplay it: “Well, that’s great, but it’s not real life,” or, “That’s just her highlight reel.” We’ve set aside rose-colored glasses in favor of lenses tinted with negativity and judgment, distrust and leeriness.

And that view doesn’t just apply to how we see others — we use it on ourselves, too. We’ve come to believe that, in order to be “real”, we need to belittle our own moments of delight. We hesitate to share the beautiful, joyful moments, or we diminish them with reminders about how messy and imperfect our days are, lest anyone question our authenticity.

As a result, I wonder if a well-intentioned warning may actually be stealing opportunities to share in one another’s joy. Because while it’s certainly true that our picture-perfect moments aren’t representative of our entire lives, that doesn’t make them any less real or worthy of celebrating.

“While it’s certainly true that our picture-perfect moments aren’t representation of our entire lives, that doesn’t make them any less real or worthy of celebrating.”

So, what would it look like to change our perspective? What if, instead of having to remind ourselves that “she” struggles too, we found joy in the fact that, if even for a moment, maybe her day really did look like that? What if we had just a little more contentment, just enough to keep us from having to belittle someone else to make ourselves feel better? What if we shared our own moments of wonder without apology, and allowed others to do the same? What if the happiness of others drove us not toward damaging comparison, but toward inspiration and gratitude?

From the beginning, we were created to crave beauty and connection. And if we let it, social media can be a tool to facilitate both. But only if we choose to see the joy of those we follow as something we get to share in, rather than something we should question.

So, yes, let’s be real and authentic; let’s find our people and be vulnerable with them about our struggles and the hard stuff that makes our days feel long. But let’s not do that to the detriment of delight. Because at the end of the day, both can be (and almost always are) true: our lives are messy and beautiful, full of disappointment and overflowing in good. 

“We can choose to view those square snapshots of ourselves and others as reasons to celebrate and reminders of the goodness of our lives, even in the midst of the broken and the hard.”

For as long as we live in an imperfect world, this will be our story. And while our highlight reels may indeed only show one part of that story, we get to choose how they influence us. We can choose to view those square snapshots of ourselves and others as reasons to celebrate and reminders of the goodness of our lives, even in the midst of the broken and the hard.

So, here’s to seeing the highlight reels of those we love a little differently. May they push us toward seeking out the beauty in our own days. May they inspire us to pursue true connections with those in our feeds; connections that reach beyond the screen and into the real lives of those we follow. And may they encourage us to celebrate life, not because the hard, dark moments don’t exist, but because the bright spots — the highlights — win out every time.