10 Things I Wish I Could Tell Every Introverted Leader

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When I picture a leader, I imagine someone who’s strong and confident, someone who’s assertive and commands respect just by the way they carry themselves — I picture the opposite of myself.

In theory, I believe that everyone has the potential to be a leader, but when it came down to it, I had convinced myself that the best leaders aren’t timid introverts like me.

But this image of a leader crumbled before me when I entered a leadership role at my college, acting as a student mentor. In this role, I teach a class of freshmen in the hopes of helping them transition to college life.

Throughout this role, I’ve learned how to be an effective leader, and along the way, I’ve discovered new things I wish I would’ve known when I started — things I now wish I could tell every introvert being thrust into a leadership position. 

01 | Introverts can lead.

Not only can introverts lead, we can excel as leaders. Introverts can be amazing listeners, and in a world where there’s so much noise, sometimes what people crave most is to be heard. Our tendency to step back and let others have the spotlight can be exactly what others need to feel seen.

We also tend to think deeply about our words and actions, so others know when we speak or act, we don’t take it lightly. Extroverts and introverts have different strengths — and we can both be equally good leaders.

02 | Leading is more than checking off boxes.

When I first started as a student mentor, I was following the lesson plan and hitting every task in my job description — but I didn’t feel fulfilled in my work. It wasn’t until I looked at each week as a chance to grow that I felt like I was doing the job I was called to.

There’s nothing wrong with following the lesson plan, but there are days when the plan I’m given isn’t going to push myself and my students. This is when I plan activities I know will lead to thoughtful discussion and deeper insights.

03 | Your mindset needs to change.

A mindset is a very powerful thing. When I approached the job wanting to check off boxes, I was keeping myself from reaching my full potential. But once I focused on the deep connections I could create with my students, the job became fulfilling for me and my students.

When I expected the job to be boring, it was boring. When I thought I could grow from it, I did grow from it. Changing my approach to the role pushed me to give more to it and get more out of it.

04 | You need to be vulnerable.

When I first led discussions, I wanted my students to answer from their heart, and was disappointed when they were hesitant — but I was expecting them to be vulnerable even as I ran from vulnerability myself.

Things changed when I started to open up to them. The more I shared, the more comfortable they were to reciprocate. I shared with them how I didn’t feel like I was enough in the role, expressed how crushed I was when a good friend of mine moved, and poured out my pain when I was pushed out of a friend group. They responded by sharing their hardships because they felt comfortable matching what I gave.

05 | People love you for you.

As someone who’s always had role models in my life, I’ve never thought of myself as the type of person people look up to. But I’ve learned that this is far from the truth — several students have shared how I inspire them, and it surprises me every time. I feel like I haven’t done anything extravagant to warrant that.

And that’s the point. Just how I show up is enough to inspire them. I, as I am right now, can touch their hearts and push them to be better. They’ll love me for who I am because I’m worthy of their love on my own.

06 | God will guide you.

When I applied, I didn’t know why I wanted to do the job; I just knew it was something I needed to do. God pushed me to do it in the beginning, and I wish I wouldn’t have forgotten that. When I didn’t enjoy it like I thought I would, I ignored the warning signs and hoped it would get better.

Had I remembered that God wanted me to do this job, I may have been more open to His will from the start. I’m glad I tuned in to hear His voice later on, but I wonder what I missed out on by not listening in the beginning.

07 | Be what you need.

Throughout the challenging moments I’ve faced this year, I’ve been thankful for my friends who supported me. Looking at the people in my life who’ve helped me the most, I see how encouraging they are and how they make me feel comfortable to share my heart with them.

This made me decide that, as a leader, I wanted my students to know they could find that in me, too. Every time I open up about my pain, I tell them I love them and I hope if they ever feel hurt, they know they can come to me — that I’ll always be there to offer support and love, even if they feel alone. I needed that support system, and so do they.

08 | You can’t please everyone.

As much as I try to plan lessons that will present opportunities for growth, not all of my students will be touched like I’d wanted. That doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong, though. It’s impossible to create lesson plans that will be perfect for every student every week — the most I can do is follow what God asks and focus on the students who need help the most.

09 | Surround yourself with like-minded people.

Going into the job, I was excited to work with some friends who were also student mentors. As I faced problems throughout the year, I’d go to these friends for advice. And while the advice I got wasn’t bad, it also wasn’t for me. While I was approaching the job with a desire for vulnerability and connection, some of my friends wanted more casual relationships with their students. 

There’s nothing wrong with mine or my friends’ ways of leading, but they’re definitely different. When I face challenges now, it’s helpful to get advice from student mentors who have the same goals and style as I do. In the end, they understand what I want to accomplish better than the friends who want different things out of the job.

10 | Trust your instincts.

In the end, the best way I can be a leader is if I trust in my abilities. Confidence goes a long way, and it can make a strong impression on those I’m leading. As long as I trust in my unique abilities, I can be the leader I strive to be.