Choosing Well In The Age Of FOMO
Photo by Ivan Karasev on Unsplash
Making choices has become so difficult in our culture. In this modern age, when the possibilities of movement and communication are so much greater than ever before, it has become harder and harder to feel confident about our decisions. Often we find ourselves tormented by recurring Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) or even worse apprehensions. We have so many fears:
FOMO: What if by choosing this thing, I end up being unable to do something even better?
What if I choose to invest in something but then it ends up being too much, and I burn out?
What if I trust someone who turns out to be untrustworthy?
What if I make a major life change and then I hate it?
And most chilling of all: what if take on a challenge and turns out that I am not good enough?
These are examples of larger decisions, but sometimes even the little ones can be a bit paralyzing. What if I get regular instead of decaf and then I am up all night? Or decaf instead of regular and then I melt into a puddle of tears later because I’m so tired?
We’ve all been there.
At the root of all of these problems in the powerful force of fear. Our society is practically humming with fear these days, and it is hard to keep it from having an exaggerated influence on our decisions, whether minor everyday ones or major life choices. Even worse, many people are willing to play on our fears to try to manipulate others.
But realistically, fear does have a role to play. We do need to take potential negative effects into consideration when we’re on the brink of a decision. So what’s a girl to do?
The antidote may lie in the difference between fear — a primal instinct designed to protect us only in urgent situations — and prudence, a virtue. All too often, we get so worried about a decision that our brains react with fear when, in fact, we really need to be thinking in terms of prudence.
Where fear starts your heart racing and urges fight or flight, prudence is a calm judge of circumstances. Where fear makes you act rashly, prudence helps you wait. Where fear catastrophizes, prudence reminds you of potential goods and benefits. Where fear convicts you of your weakness, prudence remembers also your strength.
So the next time you find your heart pounding before a decision, take a deep breath and go through the prudence checklist first:
Am I hungry, tired, cold, or lonely right now? I should not make decisions when my body is anxious about meeting a basic need.
Have I been a good steward of my energies lately? If not, I should think calmly about whether the opportunity ahead will drain or energize me.
Are there any personal emotional triggers at work in this decision? Whom can I talk to about this decision who knows me well and can be objective?
How flexible is this decision? Can I choose part of something instead of all of it, or make a temporary choice instead of a permanent one?
Is this choice about morality or about preference? Don’t make the mistake of treating everything as a “right or wrong.” Also, am I making this decision according to my beliefs or other people’s expectations?
Is this a biggie or a smallie? Don’t sweat the small stuff – just choose.
These and similar questions can free you from fear and strengthen you to do both what is right and what you actually really want for yourself. You are strong and you are free. Unless a bear is attacking you, fear is not your friend!
So next time you can’t decide between jobs or boyfriends or sleep-training techniques or even just coffees, go through your prudence checklist, and then free yourself from second-guessing. When you kick your fears to the curb, everything usually turns out all right.
