5 Things We Can Learn From Rory Gilmore

I remember watching Gilmore Girls for the first time in my college dorm room. The show had stopped airing several years before, so I was a little late to experiencing the magic of Stars Hollow, but I was hooked from the start.

I loved Lorelai’s sarcasm and quick wit, and Luke’s no-nonsense eye rolls in response; Sookie’s clumsy, carefree attitude; the quirky cast of Babette, Mrs. Kim, Kurt, and Miss Patty.

But I most resonated with Rory. She represented all of us who were trying to figure out who we were, where we belonged, and how to reconcile the strong roots of our upbringings with the equally strong pull toward whatever it was we were becoming.

I’ve watched the show several times since those dorm room days, and I’ve realized that Rory had a lot to teach us. Here are 5 lessons we can learn from the youngest Gilmore girl.

01 | Always bring the book.

Rory’s love for learning and reading is a core part of her character. She leaves her hometown high school to study at one of the premiere private schools in Connecticut. She’s constantly studying and dreaming of a future at Harvard. And she has a bedroom filled to the brim with books.

But her books aren’t relegated to a life of gathering dust on the shelf; they go with her, out into the world. Rory brings a book with her everywhere she goes; we see her reading on the bus, at parties, and all sorts of other unconventional places. 

As a reader, I love this about her. It gives me permission to tuck a book away in my own bag, and to read a few pages in the little empty spaces of my own day. It reminds me that books are meant to be lived with and carried, lent out and broken in; that they live their best lives when we fit them into ours and make space to enjoy their pages wherever we are, whenever we can.

02 | You don’t have to be an extrovert to bring people together.

Rory is, by all definitions, a clear introvert. She’s most herself at home, surrounded by those who know her best, or completely alone. Unlike her mother, she relishes quiet evenings, and she even gets accused of being a loner at her fancy private school.

Despite this, she has an uncanny way of bringing people together; of bridging the gap that often exists between people of differing opinions or personalities, and helping them find connection.

This is most obvious, of course, in the case of her mother, Lorelai, and her grandmother, Emily. All through the show, Rory is the missing link between them. She provides steadiness and a common ground that allow the most important women in her life to see past their differences and find a way to build a relationship, albeit messy and riddled with conflict.

In this way, Rory reminds us that, even those of us who prefer quiet alone time to loud social gatherings, even the most introverted among us, can look for ways to bridge the gap and connect people. We can be quiet, yet impactful, leading others to look beyond frustrating personality quirks or hurtful pasts, and find ways to move forward, together.

03 | Just order the cheeseburger.

Hearing Rory and her mother order food is an entire experience in and of itself. From breakfast at Luke’s, to Al’s Pancake World take out for an at-home movie night, they don’t hold back when it comes to mealtime.

And while their eating habits may not be recommended from a nutritional standpoint, I think it teaches us something about pushing back on cultural expectations for women. We’re expected to order the salad, even when we’d rather have the burger and fries. We’re taught to make ourselves small, to contort ourselves so we fit in very specific boxes, to shy away from anything that may be viewed as surprising or against the grain.

So instead of living in the freedom to decide for ourselves, we make decisions out of fear or the pressure to meet expectations. But Rory? Well, she’s different. And I wouldn’t presume to speak for her, but I’m pretty sure she’d tell us all to just order the cheeseburger.

04 | Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

For all of her high school years, Rory has her heart set on a Harvard education. It’s the only option — until it isn’t. During her senior year, she falls in love with Yale, and in what’s a surprise to everyone who knows her, she ultimately chooses it as her future school. She changed her mind.

In a world where changing your mind is often seen as being fickle or untrustworthy, Rory reminds us that smart, thoughtful people often change course. As we learn new things and make discoveries about ourselves and the world around us, we’re allowed to draw new conclusions, to reconsider previously-held ideas, and to adjust accordingly.

Rory reminds us that changing our minds may feel scary, but that it has the power to help us find a better, even brighter, way forward.

05 | You can always go home.

Whoever said, “You can’t go home again,” definitely never watched the reunion between Rory and her mother after their time apart in season six. In the end, Rory always finds her way back home. And while most of us probably don’t come from a town like Stars Hollow, we all have that place — or person — that is comfortably familiar, and accepts us for exactly who we are.

Rory reminds us that a sense of place matters; that to invest in our homes and our neighbors is to create a place we can always return to, a refuge from the uncertainties and difficulties of the world. 

She, and all our favorite Stars Hollow residents, show us that where we come from matters just as much as where we’re going, and that when we make an effort to build communities that feel like home, we’ll always have a place that will invite us back; a place where we can be family rather than strangers.

In short…

And with that, I’m off to watch our favorite Gilmores yet again. Their antics will never grow old, their pop culture references will never not be funny, and #TeamJess will always be the right answer (but that’s a different topic for a different day!).