How To Meet A Man At A Bookstore Or Library
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko
We all dream of that chance meeting with a kind, intelligent, sensitive, and deep man of our dreams, that we could potentially see spending the rest of our lives with. But the real world dating scene is vastly different from the one we’ve watched on screens, read in books, or seen in our heads.
It can be difficult to meet worthy suiters when the spaces culture offers us to find love are clubs and bars, places that are full of intoxicated people awkwardly trying to have shallow conversations while yelling over loud and obnoxious music — not exactly the scene in which to find a soul mate.
So what do we do and where do we go to find potential lasting love? Especially when we don’t fit the personality of a flirty bar girl or struggle with social anxiety and loud places? Do we just assimilate, change ourselves, and keep trying our luck at places we don’t enjoy?
We here at Wallflower have a different philosophy when it comes to finding love in a modern world. We believe that first, you shouldn’t have to change core aspects of yourself (your loves, interests, personality) to find a healthy relationship. And secondly, we are big believers in love happening more naturally when we are in places and around people who share our values, interests, and loves.
Which is why we believe that many of you single ladies might consider looking for a good man in a bookstore or library. This is not because these reader-havens are known for being a magnet for singles, but instead because the kind of men you’ll find perusing the aisles of classic literature, deep philosophy, interesting theology, or engrossing historic tales are men who have or are in the process of deepening their minds and filling their souls with beauty and depth.
Every place will attract and be filled with a different kind of person, so why not go to a place that attracts deep thinkers, lovers of art, appreciators of beauty, and people with large inner worlds?
But it doesn’t stop there — once you’re at your favorite bookstore or library you have to actually meet the deep-souled man of your dreams, which can be the most difficult part.
Here are a few suggestions to up your chances of finding love surrounded by books.
01 | Be patient.
Unlike bars and clubs, libraries and bookstores aren’t going to be filled with available singles. But this is actually a good thing — you don’t need to meet a hundred shallow and tipsy men. You need only to meet one deep and thoughtful one.
So while it might take a bit of time before the right one walks through the doors, there are more deep-thinking and full-souled men than there are the opposite. But if you are patient and consistent, visiting your bookshop/library regularly and spending a considerable amount of time there, it’s inevitable one of the unicorn “book guys” will make his way out of his home and into this space as well.
And while you wait, with a cup of coffee by your side, it’ll give you a chance to actually finish that book you’ve been reading for two years, or fill out that day’s Wallflower Journal guided diary entry.
02 | Read a good book.
This might seem like an obvious thing to do in a library or bookstore, but it’s an integral part of catching the eye of a potential man. One of the things that is going to be most magnetic to a “book guy” is a girl with a deep inner world and thought life.
The book you are reading when he first sees you is (almost) as important as the perfume you wear. What we read and put into our minds is an outward indication of what our inner world looks like.
Besides, he’ll need something interesting to comment on when he finally gathers up enough courage to approach you and ask, “What are you reading?” to which you’ll be able to reply and impress him with the depth and beauty of your interesting book.
03 | Be confident.
This might be the hardest one for many of us book girls who shudder at the thought of having to start a conversation, much less with a handsome stranger (we’re right there with you!).
But the guys you’ll find in a bookstore will probably be more reserved, respectful, and aren’t going to be as likely to interrupt you, even if you’ve caught their eye. So you — yes, you —might have to be the one to make the first move.
But don’t worry, it’s as easy as asking something along the lines of, “I’ve been thinking about reading that book, do you like it?” Then, you’re off to the races — and by “races,” we mean sitting in a quiet place having a hushed conversation about wonderful stories.
In short…
We hope that this has both encouraged you that there are places beyond bars and clubs to find potential lasting love and some practical tips on how to make that happen. So now, you have yet another excuse to go and spend hours in your favorite literary place.